Loves Sweet Dream
The dance floor was crowded. Girls still stood to one side of the Orchid hall in Lifford Co Donegal pretending not to notice the men who were trying to pluck up the courage to cross over the wide expansion of dance floor to ask them to dance.
I looked around for Tony and spotted an Irish soldier dancing cheek to cheek. It wasn’t him. A cluster of giggling girls glanced in my direction. Catching a glimpse of my reflection in the huge glassed picture of some past owner of the dancehall I turned away. My sister’s had backed combed my blond hair into a tall beehive and I felt self conscious in the new green dress and stiletto heels I had ordered out of my auntie, Kay’s shopping catalogue with a promise to pay in for them at five shillings a week for the next twenty weeks.
Tony was late. I wished he’d come. I felt self-conscious standing alone..
“Dance?” a voice asked. I shook my head. The girls giggled again. My face flamed. Then, Anne, an old flame of Tony’s detached herself from a group and tottered across to me; her high heels and tight skirt slowing her steps.
“You waitin’ for Tony? You needin’ bother. I saw him get into the back of a n army transport lorry,” she said. He’s away to sign on for another three years,” she smirked.
I could feel my face beginning to crumple. Feeling as if every eye was watching me I ran for the cloakroom.
I stared at the thick, matted black, eyelash liner and thick black eyebrows my sister’s had applied to hide my fair, almost invisible eyelashes and eyebrows. It looked stupid under the harsh overhead light. The youngest of five sisters, they were always trying to make me look more glamorous.
“Who’s going to want you – looking like you,” they’d say.
Tony wanted me. Tony loved me. He told me so. I’d think as they combed my long blond wavy hair this way and that and plastering my almost translucent skin with Pan Stick In the end I’d scrub it all off again and let my hair would go back to hanging over my shoulders in waves like it always did.
Sarah, the woman who gave out the cloakroom tickets peeped out at me from her seat behind her counter. “Did he stand ye up?” she asked.
I rushed into the toilet and sat there gulping back tears. After a while they overflowed and ran unchecked down my face. Tony loved me but he hadn’t bothered to tell me he was leaving.
My sister’ were right. Who would want me?
Tony had left. He had abandoned me; rejected me. Maybe… maybe it was because I had set limits. He’d sulked when I’d made it plain I wanted to wait until we were married before we made love.
.From under the toilet door I could see feet moving and hear girls’ voices chattering excitedly as they came in and out to fix their hair and reapply their lipstick. After a while I pulled a wad of toilet paper from the tin dispenser on the wall and wiped my face.
“Here, come in to me a minute,” Sarah called as I sidled past a bundle of coats she was pinning numbers on. Taking a compact from her handbag she flicked a film of powder over my red cheeks and carefully dabbed the black eye shadow drips from under my ear. “You don’t need all that stuff on your face. You’re beautiful as you are, natural like,” she fussed.” There, you’ll do,” she said. “Green suits your fair complexion. Now hurry up and get out there or they’ll be calling the last dance,” she said giving me a gentle push.
Tony had arrived but he was dancing a slow number with Annie, the girl who’d told me she’d seen him leave to return to the Irish army. Bitch, I though as I self-= consciously walked towards the seats alongside the wall.
“Dance,” Looking up into the face of the boy, who had asked me earlier I hesitated, then followed him on to the dance floor.
Standing to attention for the national Anthem I felt a soft tug on the sleeve of my green dress. “What about a bag of chips…before I walk you home,” my dance partner asked.
I shook my head my eyes searched for Tony. He had danced the last dance with Annie was helping her on with her coat. Catching my eye he waved and motioned for me to wait for him as he came striding across the floor.
“You’re very quiet tonight,” he said, as we walked hand in hand down the dimly lit Bridge Street.
“You didn’t tell me you were going away again,” I blurted out the tears threatening to fall again. Stopping, Tony took my face between his hands. I could smell the clean smell of soap and the faint smell of Old Spice aftershave.
“And then you danced the last slow dance with Annie,” I said a tear sliding unbidden down my cheek.
“Come over here…under the light,” Tony said. Putting his arm around my waist he guided me over the broken flagstones on the footpath. Cupping his hand under my chin Tony smiled down into my face. Gently he rubbed the tears from the corners of each eye.
“Oh, my sweet innocent Jenny,” he breathed folding me in his arms.” I hope you never change.”
I knew the rough material of his overcoat would wipe the remaining makeup off my eyes and face but I didn’t care.. I was safe in Toney’s arms again/
“Do you know where I was tonight? And why I was late?” he asked after a while.
I shook my head from the security of his broad chest.
“I’ve decided not to sign on with the army again. But I had to be sure I had a job to go to before I decided not to do that,” he said .Untangling himself from her he stepped back. Putting his hand in the inside pocket of his tunic he drew out a small box. Catching her hand he went down on one knee. “Jenny, will you do me the honour of being my wife,” he asked.
Later over a feast of chips and mushy peas Jenny’s sister’ admired the small sparkling diamond and gave her a big hug. “I’ll be your bridesmaid – “
“No, I’ll be your bridesmaid,” they said jostling each other. Jenny laughed. “But no black eyelashes or beehive hairdos, please” she said. “Tony likes me just as I am.”
Gemma Hill ©
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