THAT’S ANOTHER FINE MESS YOU GOT ME IN MOTHER

THAT’S ANOTHER FINE MESS YOU GOT ME IN MOTHER

I tweaked the curtain of the cubicle. “How does it look? Does it fit?” There was a mumbled response and a series of grunts and gasps. I rolled my eyes. My mother was trying to fit into a size ten again.

My skin tingles. I half turned sensing someone or something was watching me. I’d heard about hidden cameras in changing room…”.Oh Jesus,” I gasped out loud before i could stop myself. My heart thudded in my chest.

A man was changing in the cubicle next to my mother’s! The curtain didn’t quite fit and I got an eyeful of hairy skin. Hastily, I averted my gaze as he began to strip.

“Well, what do you thing about this for the Christmas party at the…?”

“I absolutely adore it,” the customer with the partially closed curtain offered dragging back the curtain to reveal his naked torso. Hand to his mouth he stepped out into the corridor and looked at mum.

“Mother!”

“Oh don’t be so bloody prissy,” she scoffed smiling at the man as if a man in the woman’s changing rooms was the most natural thing in the world. She did a little twirl. “No, not for me,” she said. “Here, you try it on,” she preened, giving the man a sassy wink.

“Try it on?

“Go for it,” she said. “It’s the hormone injections. I understand. A friend of mine…”makes you impulsive like a woman,” she giggled.

“Well, since I’m here, why not.”

Shock drained the colour from my face but my mother stood there in her washed out knickers and bra positively unperturbed.

“I mean it. Go on – try it on – probably looked better on you that on me,” she pouted pivoting in from of the mirror in the community changing space between the cubicles.

”Mother, cover yourself –“

I tried pushing her into the cubicle to the titters of the young shop assistants waiting with baited breath to see the end of this little encounter.

“What? Oh get over yourself. I think I look amazing – for a woman of a certain age,” she grinned up into the man face who was now valiantly trying to hook the brassiere type top over his man boobs.

“Don’t you think I look …?”

“Mother! I rapped out.

“Make sure you treat yourself and buy it, now,” she trilled wagging her finger at him.

“I would but it’s not my thing,” he said in a strangled breath as he tried to remove the offending garment over his head.

“Here, let me help you,” she said

“Mother!”

“You sure you don’t want to buy it?”

He shook his head. “I really only came in to buy a pair of these Speedos.”

He laughed at the look on my mother’s face

“But I thought….” Her voice trailed off as she gestured at his man boobs.” I was sure…” Then she brightened. “They have a nice coffee shop – Fancy a…”

“Mother!” Come on!

“Maybe another time when your daughter isn’t is such hurry,” he smiled.

“It’s a date. A week from today.”

“Yeah. Why not,” he agreed. “Same time different outfit,” she tittered obviously flirting with him now.

.

One thing I knew for sure my mother’s obsessive vanity for clothes and men had got me into yet another fine mess. This was another shop I wouldn’t be frequenting for a while.